


big boos haunt : go on a ghost hunt

by sapoeysap



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Clerks AU, Liminal Spaces AU, M/M, more just set in february, rated teen for swear words, they work in a rest stop, valentines day, very loose in the valentines sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 16:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17770631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapoeysap/pseuds/sapoeysap
Summary: ryan is not supposed to be working tonight, he's had a ghost hunt planned for weeks.





	big boos haunt : go on a ghost hunt

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally a more played for straight clerks (the kevin smith film) au, with dashes of that one tumblr post about people having to work in spaces like rest stops and garages. alas i can't write like kevin smith (though i sure can probably direct better than him), so it turned into just taking influence.  
> the captions are all headers from the film though. 
> 
> as per normal i write rpf to expand my writing skills, i dont actually ship this in real life and neither should anyone else. be respectful!

**Amusement**

Ryan’s awoken, way too early for him, by the shrill ring of a phone he could have sworn was on airplane mode, turned on in anticipation of this exact call.

‘Look, I don’t work today….’ In fact, he tries to go out of his way to work the night after a day shift. He may be a bit of an idiot, but he’s not insane enough to stumble through a night shift on less than three hours of sleep.

‘I was gonna go’ he starts but the sentence is cut off, 

His boss barks a sharp laugh through the phone, sharp enough to startle Micki and Dori from there slumber next to him. Telling enough that he doesn’t finish the sentence, keeps ‘go ghost hunting’ to himself.

It’s not that he hates his job, it’s just that he’s a little fearful of night shifts. The rest stop is out in the middle of nowhere, but gets enough traffic passing through that is does good business through the night, enough that two of them work a shift at a time. That and Ryan, in spite of being stacked, is wierded out by just about every little sound that happens in the store once darkness falls.

‘Brent’s not coming in?’

Brent being the reason he’s getting stuck with two back to back shifts seems just about right. Brent’s actually really nice, but he just has a tendency to asskiss and get all the time off in the world. While Ryan is always left to try and catch all the slack.

‘Fine I’ll come in.’ his pause is weary, before he follows up with ‘If just for Steven’

Steven Lim, is quite possibly the closest living embodiment of actual goodness. Taller than Ryan and with a sunny disposition, framed with soft lavender hair. As a pair, they have developed quite a specific set of banter, that makes shifts pass easier. Steven’s also pretty good on the court, they shoot hoops together frequently. But the most important thing about working a shift with Steven, is that when there paired together, the weirdest things seem to happen on the store floor.

Ryan figures if boss is out of town, and Brent is who the fuck knows where, he might as well bring his go pro in, get the ghost hunting done out on the shop floor. Last time they had worked a shift together, It had reached 3am, or the time when no customers ventured in. Steven had sat on the counter, crisscross applesauce chatting endlessly all arm movements and big smiles about an amazing bowl of ramen he had had the week before whole Ryan had mopped the floor. No one came in the store, but when Ryan had done and turned the corner to the store, there was a set of footprints in the floor, shoe print that belonged to neither him nor Steven. Safe to say Ryan had bugged out like crazy.

He hangs up the phone with an indignant grump, calls his brother to come look after the dogs. Getting dressed is a chore, in the end he settles on a skinny jean, a tight grey tee-shirt and denim jacket. The backwards baseball cap is to cover his stupid bed hair that’s uncontrollable even though its only be slept on for what feels like three seconds.

It’s going to be one of those days.

**Vilification**

It’s 8pm when he pulls up, and the store looks deathly silent.

The kind of too silent that it shouldn’t be.

There are no cars at the pumps and only one car parked next to him in the tiny back lot car park A sleek if slightly old boxy estate Volvo. Neon _open_ light at the automatic doors is flickering, cycling through which letter it wants to flash. At the moment its stuck on ‘P’

Ryan already hates it, is already regretting his decision. The only thing that alleviates the weird chill that’s crawling up his spine, is his instinct reaction to catch the basketball Steven throws directly at his face as he steps through the doors.

‘Boooo’

In all of their banter, Steven has perfected the art of “ghost impression that really bugs Ryan”. It’s not malicious, more just Steven’s way of telling Ryan he respects him. Respect achieved through mutual bantering. Steven is in the softest looking jumper, that hangs down to his fashionable jogger clad knees, he looks well rested and full of pep. The opposite of how Ryan feels. Adam, the owner of the slightly old boxy estate Volvo, and the other employee of the rest stop is standing looking weary in his tucked in shirt. The kind of weary from spending a day having to listen to the strays that wander in from the highway and there odd bizarre rambling. Adam is mysterious, friendly but very quiet. Not unnaturally so, he laughs at jokes and has a wry sense of humour, his eyes are always owlish peering through thick rimmed glasses. Adam is probably the best employee, in that he seems to absorb all the nonsense information the customers rattle at him. Ryan wonders macabrely, what secrets would spill out of Adam’s brain if he cut it open. What makes the most sense, is that Adam is an amateur filmmaker, and judging by the nice fancy camera in his hands, is also going to be filming the night. Probably not hunting for ghosts though, and more as part of whatever film he’s cooking up.

Ryan greets them both, Adam replies with a head nod and a quiet ‘You pulled the short straw then’.

Steven replies for Ryan, ‘Glad I ended up with you though… Brent’s been in one of his moods all week’ Which translated means Brent’s been eating nothing but Tacos of what to Steven are very much questionable origin and leaving a questionable smell in his wake.

Ryan just throws the basketball back at Steven. ‘Glad to be lumped with you too fancy boy’

Steven just huffs while Adam chuckles.

 

**Syntax**

Adam’s set up his tri pod and camera outside, he’s still in view of the store front, and he’s occasionally illuminated by the yellow and red lights of passing cars. Ryan’s spent the past 20 minutes just watching Adam stand outside and film the world as it goes by. Steven’s dealing with a customer who seems to be entirely lost, or as lost as you can get out in the middle of nowhere. The customer seems windswept even though there’s no wind outside, and there clinging to a printed out set of map directions, that are printed onto computer paper, the kind of with the green and white lines and punched holes. In the customers other hand, is a smartphone, what looks like the latest iPhone model. Steven is patiently trying to explain the concept of a map app. To Ryan, it looks like he’s failing miserably, yet is ever chipper and optimistic, like within the next 5 minutes this stranger will grasp the concept of google maps.

The lights that are illuminating Adam outside, are also illuminating Ryan through the windows. He feels like he’s floating through the space, mind leaving his body. The gently patient chatter of Steven’s voice and the customer is just white noise in the background, Ryan barely feels human anymore. Just an extension of the counter that his arms are resting on. Work on this little sleep is probably the least wise thing he’s ever done. He’s just about to hit that point of dissociation in which he completely mentally checks out, when the alarm chime above the door goes. A mechanic selling ‘ding ding’ that reverbs around Ryan’s brain snapping him out of everything. The store’s empty again, Steven’s next to him updating his Instagram with pictures of his meal from the night before. They both look up at the door at the same time. 

When, in the future, Ryan reflects on this night, he’ll realise that that metallic ding ding was the last sane thing that happens that night. And it’ll be easy to reflect, because of course Adam ends up capturing it all on film.

 

**Vagary**

All the steady noise that permeates the store eradicates into nothingness when two figures appear in the doorway. Both figures are distinctly male, one is obnoxiously tall, having to duck his head just to fit in the door, clear plastic glasses frame a face that to Ryan looks like it’s been put together at random, but the whole thing works. The other figure is shorter and with broad shoulders, short dark blond hair and a vaguely eastern European looking face.

Ryan realises quickly that both he and Steven are openly gawking. He clocks out of the corner of his eye, Adam looking up from his camera with a knowing look. Stupid Mr Bianchi and his stupidly cool girlfriends. Steven and Ryan are more strained, e.g. lacking in the love department. And February’s here and the dreaded Valentine’s day is edging ever close, who can blame the both of them for looking up the first-time people who don’t look completely deranged appear in the store.

The two men are ambling through the rows of shelves, they’ve gotten out of an estate car that looks like it maybe dates from the late 90s, which is indicates that the two of them are slightly kooky. The look young and well to do, like they should be able to afford something better than what they are driving. Ryan turns his head slightly, to Steven, as if to indicate ‘hot guy alert’, but Steven’s to busy driving his eyes up and down the smaller of the customers. It should be a world-shattering thing, Ryan until that moment had previously only thought Steven went for tiny girls and one-off never spoken about again flings with a pre-relationship Adam. This guy is totally not what Ryan thought was Steven’s type. But then again, the taller one whose large hands are flicking through a stack of old dollar comics, isn’t what Ryan would consider his type. Yet is still probably the hottest guy Ryan’s ever seen. It’s the mismatched face and the way the man seems awkward in his body, but cracking jokes with his companion that seem to have them both cracking up. That and the fact he’s wearing a denim jacket and a pair of boots that Ryan is also wearing. A coincidence then, that the first word he hears the tall man say, is ‘destiny’

 

**Purgation**

The rest stop has a cat, a deep black cat that ambles through the doors and comes ago as it pleases. The cat may or may not have a name, no one is sure if it does or what in fact the name is. It’s a mystery. Ryan loves the little furball, despite of his own allergies to felines. So, part of his pre-shift ritual is stocking up on allergy medicine. Except of course, he wasn’t supposed to be on shift tonight, so no taking of the allergy medicine has happened, and black cat has decided to appear out of nowhere like some stupid cryptid, and plant itself on the counter right where Ryan is leaning.

It immediately causes him to sneeze, quite possibly the loudest grossest sounding sneeze is body has ever let out. It silences the chatter of the mysterious men and overpowers the constant whirring of the refrigerators. He can feel everyone staring at him, 5 sets of eyes, one not even human, and the weight of a camera lens all directed at his face. Then of course, the cat lets out an indignant meow, and shuffles its way past Steven, delicately jumping down onto the floor and wrapping itself around the legs of the blond customer, who seems more than delighted by the presence of a cat, cooing and aweing down at the evil furball.

The taller man’s eyes are crinkled up in laughter, and he’s making direct eye contact with Ryan. He say’s something under his breath, Ryan thinks it might be ‘this is the one’, but he’s not too sure, too busy trying to will the blush creeping up his neck and thanking his heritage for making his skin complexion harder to spot blushes on.

‘I’m Shane’ the tall man points to himself, ‘and this is Andrew’, Shane sweeps an arm out to his companion, who’s still petting the cat like it’s the greatest thing in life. Shane’s accent is neutral but has a slightly midwestern tilt to it, Andrew starts to talk, ‘I would love to know what this darling cat’s name is’, Andrew’s accent is also neutral, but then again, Steven’s from Ohio and doesn’t sound Ohioan at all, or Ryan’s just a poor judge of accents.

‘They don’t have a name’ Steven say’s, he’s walking past Ryan and out towards the two other men, and the cat. Adam makes a bizarre noise of confusion but quickly shushes himself up. ‘But my name is Steven, that’s Ryan and that’s Adam’.

Adam gives a wave at the mention of his name, Ryan just tries to do a cool head nod but as he’s going through the motions feels like he’s coming off as a complete ass. But Shane’s gaze is still heavy on him, so it’s the best he can do under the circumstances.

‘Guess I’ll call you Mayor Whisker’s then. You look like you boss these three around.’ Andrew coos into the dark black belly of the cat, and Steven coos in Andrew general direction.

Ryan’s really regretting coming into work. And really wondering since when did the cat…now apparently dubbed Mayor Whiskers, ever offer its belly up for rubs before.

 

**Malaise**

A person makes a choice when they choose employment at a rest stop or places of similar ilk. Places that are usually reserved to being liminal. A stop gap, between the before and the after, a forgetful but necessary part of a journey. The terms of employment at these places, are the normal, but include an unspoken rule of keeping your sanity. For working at these places mean that they are not liminal to you, they break down that layer and become a place where you exist. Permanently.

There are some days when Ryan can’t cope with the thought, he knows he won’t be here forever, but he still feels like his boss is Mr Burns hanging _that_ sign behind him and the rest of his life will be spent scrambling to collect moments to cover the words up. It’s the most irrational of thoughts, he is young and full of potential and possibilities. The rest stop here is a liminal space to him in a sense, just a more perpetual one that he is spending a stretched period of time at, before he moves on to bigger and better things that are hopefully not related to gas stations and dark spooky forests. Unless the dark spooky forests are for hunting ghosts in.

These are all facts that Ryan, over time, and through many a discussion with Steven, Adam and Brent, has come to unsteady terms with. Except now, in this present moment, he is left pondering them again. A sense of anxiety is hanging in the air, these two strangers, Shane and Andrew, have invaded a space and seem more human yet more cryptid that anyone else that has ever passed through the mechanical bing bong of the automatic door. Than to anyone who has stepped out of the false neon glow of the open sign and into the sickly white lights of the refrigerators that line the aisles.

Maybe it’s a reflection on Ryan as a person, that the first time people who look vaguely normal, vaguely, scratch that, very hot, he panics and thinks that it can’t be real. Panics and thinks that this is all a dream, all a crazy plot made up in his head and that he’s actually still in bed. Micki and Dori snoozing next to him, soft blankets covering him, snoozing in before his big ghost hunt adventures in the dead of night. How else can anyone explains why a giant bigfoot sized midwestern sounding man is in front of him, in an identical jacket and shoes.

Everything around him has taken on a weird dreamy gaze, like Adam’s come and stuck one of his fashionable coloured lenses over Ryan’s eyes, casting the world into the aesthetic of some nineteen-seventies De Palma film.

 

**Harbinger**

Steven is interacting with Andrew like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Ryan feels like he has been standing stock still for the past hour just in shock, and Steven’s already pulled random facts out of Andrew. (‘I’m a chef’ – ‘I’m a food vlogger’ – ‘Well I guess this is a match made in rest stop heaven’) Ryan half expects to blink and when his eyes reopen, find his co-worker and blond newcomer tangled up in lip lock. Instead of seeing that though he see’s a blur of pale hand flash by his face, Shane is waving his hand back and forth in front of Ryan’s face.

‘Anyone home?’

The tall man has the most doofy smile, his eyes are starting to crinkle in what Ryan is presuming is laughter.

‘Why do you have my jacket and my boots?’

It’s not what he means to say, he’s never one to think about what he’s saying before it leaves his mouth, not one to ponder. But when he’s at work he at least makes an effort not to say dumb shit. Not at this moment in time though.

‘Oh, I’m your alternate universe self, I too love thick sturdy boots for … hunting big foot’

Shane is clearly a nonsensical kind of person, or omnipresent and knows Ryan’s a ghost hunter. He wheezes in a laughter out of half fear half attraction.

‘Thick and sturdy? Also big foot is the most unlikely’

‘Oh baby, you actually go hunting for the supernatural in these boots don’t you’

Baby sounds more like a word the tall man throws around, not an actual pet name, but still Ryan feels a flutter in his stomach.

Shane seems to realise that Ryan is in fact a believer before Ryan can even formulate a reply.

‘The boys a Mulder. Andrew I’ve found a Mulder!’

Andrew say’s a very steady ‘Sure Shane’, before jumping back into conversation with Steven, they appear to be talking about the merits of gold-based food. Steven has found his dream man evidently.

‘Look, I can prove there are ghosts’

Shane’s eyebrow raised and he mumbles a ‘hoo boy’, while Ryan fumbles with his phone and pulls up the video. He squeezes at the thumbnail and the sight of teenage Ryan on the Queen Mary. He doesn’t normally bust out the video to doubters of his spooky beliefs, yet there’s a pull in him that is stretching him to want to prove himself to this man.

‘Ryan. That’s bullshit’

When Shane say’s Ryan he taps the tiny plastic name badge that sits upon Ryan’s chest, Ryan is terrified Shane will hear his heart pumping loudly. If Shane can hear anything over the indignant splutters Ryan’s letting loose.

He sounds like that stereotypical white mum, ‘You spiltdasjewioejdsanjasdjksabejbalipstick in my white valentine bag?’ but its ‘You don’t bel-ejaksjhejksajkcbsjadbe-ive in that?’ And tall stupid very handsome looking just walked into a gas station at gone midnight looking fresh as a daisy, Shane, is all crinkled eyes and mirth.

‘Ghosts are bullshit’

Ryan’s head hits the counter with more force than necessary.

 

**Perspicacity**

Eventually, when the rage has ebbed and cooled in his stomach, Ryan realises that he has a job to do. And post ‘I don’t believe in ghosts’ commentary, he’s starting to think that while Shane might be the hottest person to ever set foot in the rest stop, sometimes hotness doesn’t equal decent person-ness.

Steven has decided to reclaim his spot on the counter, and Andrew has seemed to blindly follow, the blond man is shorter than Steven, Ryan figures that Steven likes the power gained in feeling so tall. Andrew has placed his purchases on the counter, right next to Steven’s butt, but Andrew has yet to move his hand, instead bringing the other one up so he’s framing Steven and leaning towards him. Andrew’s purchases are simple, one box of 52 ‘cooks’ matches, one box of assorted green teas and a pair of black rimmed square sunglasses.

Shane, still sniggering from the ribbing of Ryan, places down his items gently next to the back of Ryan’s head. The sound of items on the counter is enough to persuade Ryan to rise up from his over dramatic face palm. One box of candy cigarettes, the kind that are Spiderman themed and come with a ‘free’ temporary tattoo. One bottle of sparkling water, in a size that Ryan didn’t even know they sell. Finally, a pair of soft black gloves, size large.

‘We’re paying uh. Separately’ Shane voice seems very steady all of a sudden, Ryan rings up the tall man’s items first. Comes to under five dollars, so does Andrews.

Ryan feels a shiver crawl down his spine, it’s not an unusual for someone to make purchases under a fiver, hell in a rest stop like this it’s the norm. Just the circumstances around it, are odd. That and the way Andrew slips a business card in next to a very crisp five-dollar bill, and that when Ryan looks up from studying the business card, the two men are gone. Leaving a drunk-on love Steven and a perplexed but slightly turned on Ryan in their wake.

It’s Adam’s tiny minute cough that breaks Ryan and Steven out of staring at the automatic door.

‘The card?’

That sentence breaks everything out of slow motion, Ryan doesn’t realise it till then but when Shane and Andrew had been in the store, it had seemed like the world was swimming in molasses, slow and treacle coloured. Now that the men have gone, it all seems normal, world reset.

Instinct tells him to hold the card up to the camera, his hands are sweaty around the card and he’s partly terrified he’s going to drop it.

Adam is looking at the card through the camera lens, but Ryan see’s clearly the moment his eyes widen in confusion.

 

**Andrew Ilnyckyj**

**M.I.B**

 

There’s a full twenty seconds of silence, which Steven breaks with a curious voice.

‘Why would the Men In Black have business cards?’

The rest stop would probably have burnt down years ago if it wasn’t for the steady calm of one Adam Bianchi, who calmly turns and looks out into the small car park. Where Andrew has rolled his dated car round to the window, Shane is in the passenger seat in knee slapping hysterics.

Ryan has no fucking idea what is going on. He should be asleep right now in his bed, yet he’s here and the world is playing a massive prank on him. One part of him is screaming LUCID DREAM LUCID DREAM ALERT, the tin foil hat part of him is screaming THE GOVERNMENT HAVE FOUND YOU, but mostly he’s just done.

The worst thing is Adam is sniggering. Adam! Sniggering!

 

**Paradigm**

It all clicks into place for Ryan.

‘You’re in on this. You set me up?’

Ryan want’s to be mad, but there’s something in the way Adam is laughing, that means he can’t be pissed off. Steven is starting to chuckle too.

‘I’ve known Andrew for ages, we were out drinking last week and he introduced me to Shane, and I realised he was a perfect fit for you. That and I’d been meaning to set up Andrew and Steven for months. And it’s Valentines soon, so perfect timing.’

All Ryan can find to say is ‘You wanna set me up with bone stilts over there’

Said bone stilts is still bent over laughing in the car, Ryan feels mortified.

‘And the jacket? And matching boots?’

‘He might have Instagram stalked you?? I’m not sure really’

Steven is tapping away on his phone, a dial tone is playing on speaker and then Andrew’s voice comes through,

‘Hey Steven’, the man sounds calm and collected, Shane’s sniggers can be heard in the background.

‘Adam set us up, did you know that’

‘Yes Steven’, Andrew sounds fond but weary, the way everyone does around Steven, ‘I did know that’

 

**Whimsy**

Eventually, Shane and Andrew wonder back into the rest stop, Steven bounds over to Andrew and leans into his side. Shane ambles over to Ryan, ‘I brought my ghost hunting boots, and I heard you were looking to hunt some ghost’s’

‘I’m still technically on the clock’

‘I think there’s plenty of people here who are more than willing to cover you, baby’

Ryan knows Shane saying baby is more a manner of speech but it still sends chills down his spine.

‘Actually yeah, Adam you can cover for me after this stupid hijink’

That sets everyone else off into titters.

‘Come on the big guy, gonna prove to you ghosts are real’

Ryan drags Shane out by the hands, Shane’s hands are big and sweaty.

 

**Denouement**

Something to be said, about the pink glow the sunrise casts on the woods. This tiny section of time where it feels like magic is real, ghouls and the supernatural are at there most tangible in the darkness of the witching hour. But in the sunrise, it almost feels like the fae and that sort are real.

A week later, the morning of February 14th, a tacky Valentines card comes in the post. It’s signed ‘anon with a crush on a ghoul boy :p’ but is clearly written in Steven’s handwriting. In the card is a USB stick, Adam’s film from the night.

Shane comes over, for the first time, it’s a fifth date and maybe Ryan’s moving a bit too fast in love, but what’s new. Everything feels right and Shane cooks a damn good bowl of popcorn. Ryan watches himself on the screen, as he and Shane walk back into the rest stop from the ghost hunt. Notes the way the blush was high on Shane’s pasty face, marks evident on his neck of a hunt ending slightly more uh horizontal than normal. The way the pink sunrise is making them glow.

Frankly it’s just a shame he ended up with a skeptic as a boyfriend. Shane’s looking at him while the scene changes and focuses in on Mayor Whiskers running around Andrew, ‘Just so you know, it was a total fluke I was wearing that jacket and those boots. Almost like destiny’

Poor popcorn bowl, a bystander in the ensuing throwing of pillows.

‘Almost like destiny. Shut up you big lug’

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i was editing while listening to the sm64 soundtrack. the merry go round theme is still creepy as hell. 
> 
> mayor whiskers i imagine is a bit night vale'in but also i was kind of imaging it as kelsey impicciche and only adam knows the cat is actually called Kelsey. 
> 
> also i guess adam's gf's are annie and rie? i always write adam as some big mystery lol (and always throw brent under the bus even though i love him)


End file.
